Today, in light of being stuck at home due to horrendous snow....my husband, Erik, and I are making a list of the top 50 things we plan to do to our children when they become adults....
1. Hide all of the spoons and cups in their house.
2. Download tons of programs full of viruses on their pc's and change their homepage.
3. Color and write gibberish on their walls.
4. Put ink fingerprints all over their toilet seats (courtesy of Bekah).
5. Eat all their ice cream and drink all their pop.
6. Cry loudly til they go to burger king...then not eat anything and complain/break
the toy.
7. Break all Christmas gifts before New Year's Day.
8. Get their mail, and not give it to them.
9. Leave toys, chips and cereal all over their floor.
10. Spread hamster food all over their bedroom, and then, after they clean it up, do it immediately again.
11. Throw a fit until they allow us to wear clothes that do not fit (or match) out in public and to family gatherings.
12. Steal money out of every hiding place and spend it at the crane machines in the grocery stores.
13. Rent porn.
14. Say profanity randomly in front of people they respect and admire, just to see their reactions.
15. Walk around the house in only our underwear.
16. Always wear our shoes on the wrong feet (courtesy of Olivia).
17. Cut all of the collars off of Chelsea's clothes and steal her bras and underwear.
18. Leave Chelsea's shoes and socks in a pile under her computer desk.
19. Drop our coats and bags in the foyer, blocking the front door.
20. Break their doorbell, and when they replace it, break it again.
21. Break all the glass in their picture frames.
22. Change clothes 20 times a day so they can never catch up with their laundry.
23. Ask them to change the channel on the tv every 10 minutes, and come into their room to update them on what each character says.
24. Stand in front of the t.v.
25. Jump on their beds.
26. Play with feet...all the time....everywhere, even at church.
27. Spraypaint Chelsea's bedroom wall.
28. Scream and slam doors.
29. Throw things at them....all the time.
30. Break all of their window screens.
31. Lick the inside of their car windows and draw pictures in the spit.
32. Suck on candy and gum, and stick it in the carpet (both in the house and in the car)
33. Hide cups and food under the seats of the car and not tell them for months.
34. Steal 4 of their favorite blankets and, along with a dozen or so stuffed animals, make them bring them everywhere we go.
35. When the take us out to an expensive dinner, eat nothing but the condiments (catsup and butter).
36. Hide all of their phones until the batteries die.
37. Steal their cameras and load it up with pictures of ourselves doing gang signs (for our myspace page, of course).
38. Demand a hug and kiss whenever they leave the house...even if it means chasing their car down the street in our underwear.
39. Break all their chairs and lawn furniture.
40. Pull their cushions off of their couches in a big pile in the living room, and then, after they put them back.....do it again.
41. Spill blue gatorade on their carpet.
42. Mess with their theromstats.
43. Break their toilets so they run all the time-and only use their private bathroom in the bedroom, not the one for company.
44. Pee in their beds.
45. Call them fat and that them we hate them.
46. Start screaming randomly whenever they answer the telephone.
47. Insist that we talk to whoever calls, whether we know them or not.
48. Stand in front of them and beg whenever they get a plate food, even if we have the same plate of said food.
49. Call them over and over and over again on their cell phones whenever they go out....or at work.
50. Cry and scream outside of their bedroom doors whenever they try to have sex.
51. Scratch all their favorite dvd's
52. Never go to bed....EVER! Until they threaten lives...well, a couple of hours after that....
53. Cut our own hair.
54. Insist on watching movies that do not exist.
55. Make up different names for songs and movies we enjoy, and do not tell anyone the "secret code" Just keep asking, screaming, and crying repeatedly until they guess the right thng.
56. Change the names for all the icon's on their pc's.
